Childhood by Tove Ditlevsen

Author:Tove Ditlevsen [Ditlevsen, Tove]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241391945
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2019-09-05T00:00:00+00:00

‘Oh no! Ha ha ha!’ He falls back and keeps on laughing, and the tears stream from my eyes. ‘I hate you,’ I yell, stamping my foot powerlessly. ‘I hate you! I wish you’d drown in a marl pit!’ With those last words, I’m just about to rush out the door, when Edvin’s insane laughter takes on a new, disturbing sound. I turn around in the doorway and look at him lying on his stomach across my mother’s striped comforter with his face hidden in the crook of one arm. My precious book has fallen to the floor. He sobs inconsolably and uncontrollably, and I am horrified. Hesitantly, I approach the bed, but I don’t dare touch him. That’s something we’ve never done. I dry my own tears with the sleeve of my dress and say, ‘I didn’t mean it, Edvin, the part about the marl pit. I … I don’t even know what it is.’ He keeps sobbing without answering and suddenly turns over and gives me a hopeless look. ‘I hate them, the boss and the assistants,’ he says. ‘They … beat me … all day and I’ll never learn to paint cars. I’m just sent out to get beer for all of them. I hate Father because I can’t change workplaces. And when you come home, you can never be alone. There’s not one damn corner where you can have anything for yourself.’ I look down at my poetry album and say, ‘I can’t have anything for myself, either, you know – and neither can Father or Mother. They’re not even alone when they … when they …’ He looks at me, surprised, and finally stops crying. ‘No,’ he says sadly. ‘Jesus, I’ve never thought about that.’ He gets up, regretting, of course, that his sister has seen him in a moment of weakness. ‘Well,’ he says in a tough voice, ‘it probably all gets better when you move away from home.’ I agree with him about that. Then I go out and count the eggs in the pantry. I take two and move the rest around so it looks like there are more of them. ‘I’m going to mix us an egg schnapps,’ I yell toward the living room and start the preparations. At that moment, I like Edvin much better than in all the years when he was distant and wonderful, handsome and cheerful. It wasn’t really human that he never seemed to feel bad about anything.

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